Crying – all babies and children do it, and some cry a lot. But knowing this doesn’t always make it easier to cope with crying.
The good news is that children tend to cry less as they grow and develop.
Babies are born with the ability to cry.
For newborns, crying is their main way of communicating. It works too. If you hear a crying baby, you usually want to do what you can to soothe him.
When your baby cries, it can sometimes be a real challenge to work out what she needs. She might be crying because she’s hungry, cold or hot, scared, overtired, in pain or uncomfortable.
Around one in 10 babies cry a lot – ‘a lot’ means more than three hours a day. Babies under 12 months of age tend to cry most in the late afternoon and early evening. This can be very stressful, especially if you’re trying to make dinner, supervise homework or give older children a bath.
If your baby has symptoms other than crying, such as vomiting, call your General Practitioner (GP) or paediatrician.
How to manage your baby’s crying
The first step is to check whether your baby is hungry, tired or uncomfortable. Over time, you'll get to know your baby’s crying, and what different cries mean.
If you think your baby is in pain, or you’re not sure about a symptom, make an appointment with your GP or call your paediatrician.
Here are some other helpful strategies:
It’s always OK to ask for help. Your paediatrician or GP are good places to start.
Toddlers cry because they’re hungry, tired, uncomfortable or need affection – just like babies.
But toddlers are also starting to develop more control over their crying. For example, a toddler might learn that if he cries when he’s put down, his mum or dad will pick him up again. This might lead to louder and longer crying next time he’s put down!
How to manage your toddler’s crying
Start by making sure your child isn’t sick or hurt. If you’re not sure, make an appointment with your GP or call your paediatrician.
If your child is physically OK, the following tips might help:
If your child cries a lot more with you than he does with other people, he might have found that crying gets your attention. Try to focus on showing your child positive attention when he’s not crying. This might help to reduce his tears when you’re together.
Pre-schoolers and school-age children: crying
Children tend to cry less as they get older. Once they can talk, it’s much easier for them to tell you why they’re upset and what they need.
Pre-schoolers also start to understand about right and wrong times to cry. You can help by teaching your child different ways to deal with her feelings. Talking about what has upset her can be a good place to start.
It’s OK to cry sometimes. For both children and grown-ups, crying can be a healthy way to deal with a significant loss, pain or sadness. When your child expresses these feelings to you, try to listen, comfort and reassure him that his feelings are OK.
How to manage your pre-schooler’s or school-age child’s crying
Make sure that your child isn’t sick or hurt. If your child is physically OK, try the following ideas:
If your child seems to spend a lot of time crying and acting sad, consider asking your GP for advice.
Crying: your feelings
Crying is one of the most common reasons parents seek professional help.
If your baby is crying a lot, you might be feeling very low, or even depressed. If you feel like this or are having thoughts about hurting your child, it’s important to seek help straight away.
You can contact a parenting hotline or a parenting support service in your area.
Never shake, hit or hurt a crying child
If you need to, put your child somewhere safe and take a five-minute break. Letting your child cry for a few minutes won’t hurt her, and it can help you get things under control.
Sometimes it helps to have another person take over for a while. If you can, ask your spouse to come home, or get a friend or relative to come over and help out.
Parenting can be really hard work, especially if you have a child who cries a lot. Taking time out and asking for help are positive things you can do for yourself and your child.
Crying in front of your children
Your child learns about when and how to express emotions like sadness, anger and happiness by watching you. Seeing your emotions also teaches your child that mum and dad are people with feelings too.
But if you’re crying a lot, or crying without knowing why, you might need to speak with your GP about getting some help for depression or postnatal depression.
Video: Settling strategies
In this video, parents talk about their experience and share tips to soothing their babies.